Cheetos and immodium

Cheetos and immodium

It might seem like I quit blogging. There are some that would cheer, but the reality is that my absence would leave most of you in agony. I know, I know, try to keep the tissues near. But I actually was just on vacation, if you could call it that. See, it was a vacation in every sense of the word. Even though I’m prone to hating on New York, I’ve come to realize that I’m not exactly Dale Jr. Driving is a bitch and so is my GPS unit that gives me wrong directions.. Before I start talking about some food experience on vacation, I just want to talk about Cheetos because west coast be having all sorts of weird cheetos we don’t got in the east.

There are two kinds of Cheetos that I encountered in Seattle that I either have never seen in New York or maybe have only seen once. One flavor is Salsa con Queso and the other is Cheddar Jalapeno. I love both because I love corn based junk food coated in artificial looking cheese supposedly made from real cheese.

The taste of the Cheddar Jalapeno one is fairly mild, compared to the flaming hot cheetos. I started to think the little dark flecks of ‘seasoning’ was green, due to artificial jalapeno coloring, but then I looked at the Salsa con Queso ones and they had the same specks. Whatever. Both are good if you enjoy cheetos. Let me tell you all a story about buying things in a drug store in downtown Seattle.

So some New Yorkers who haven’t traveled a lot wouldn’t really know that Duane Reade actually isn’t ubiquitous across the U.S. the way it is in NYC. In Seattle, their local drug store brand is called Bartell’s. So I walked into a Bartell’s one night in Seattle, after my stomach started rumbling from oysters, I went to look for Immodium. Yea, that’s right. It’s THAT kind of a story. Turn off your monitor to protect little kids, mmmkay? First of all, they ran out of name-brand Immodium A.D. That’s cool, even in my ass cheek quivering state, I was into saving like 30 cents over name brand. I also bought a bottle of ginger ale because you gotta replenish all that lost liquid somehow. So I go up to the checkout counter.

I turn the box upside down you know, cuz I’m a modest dude. Why tell the whole world I’m gonna pee from my ass? Wait a minute… She, of course, turns the box right side up (thanks a lot lady), scans my ginger ale, then asks me, “May I see some ID?”

What the fuck, lady!

I can appreciate clerks who check ID, but seriously. If I stole a credit card, there’s a few things I’d buy… maybe cheeto, gas (since it’s over $4 per gallon), xbox or maybe even a car. But noooooo, Ms. Bartell’s Clerk. I’m buying a drug that makes my poo look more like poo instead of congee with pork floss (yea that’s right, I just ruined congee with pork floss for all of you). Just what the hell makes you think you REALLY need to see my ID at this point? Do you want me to drip on your floor, lady?? Seriously. Come the fuck on. CONFIRM THE DAMN TRANSACTION ALREADY.

Moral of the story: next time you want Immodium, steal it. Wait no, I don’t mean that.

Posted by Danny on April 27, 2012 at 7:24 pm

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