Lani Kai Review: Lani Kai Happy Hour specials and hating high school
I hated high school. My sister left me a comment on Facebook a while ago talking about how I have inelastic disdain for Republicans. I have inelastic disdain towards high school as well. Also towards the college that gave me a bachelor’s degree. That’s a story for another time. I really think that high school should be more about preparing you for college instead of just being lame and boring. What I dislike the most is that even though we all grow up and grow out of any molds that we lived in for those four seemingly torturous years, it still never leaves you. High school is the tramp stamp that you regret, and there’s no laser removal procedure for something like that. It’s safe to say that unless you’re one of the cool kids in school (you know who you are, motherfuckers), high school was simply a bumpy stop until college. What seemed unattainable in high school and irrelevant as an adult is to become cool. I almost wrote ‘more cool’, but that would imply that coolness was there in the first place, but in my case it wasn’t. If you follow Food in Mouth enough, you know that I love things like variable pricing. There’s no better example of variable pricing in the food and beverage sector than the “Happy Hour Special”. The idea of discounted beverages is very nice, although sometimes when I think too much about it… it just reminds me of high school.
Certainly I’m not afraid of happy hours. In fact, I would go to more of them if I could. The idea itself is OK. The bar wants to get you into the door until the real business starts and they want to make money so they discount the goods to entice people into the door. Sometimes I can’t but think that the cool kids don’t wait for Happy Hour, and the the drinks at Happy Hour is pseudo-cocktail with lots of juice and/or ice. That’s the feeling that I got from Lani Kai. See, since I’ve never been to Lani Kai during non-Happy Hour times, I can’t say if they tone down the ice during normal hours. The feeling that I get from Happy Hours is not just limited to Lani Kai though. I keep reminding myself not to order cocktails during Happy Hours and just get a bottled beer, because you can’t water down bottled beer, right? Despite my best attempts to limit my orders to beers, I still find myself attracted to the idea of discounted mix drinks. At regular hours, some of those drinks are like $15 dollars! Lani Kai’s Happy Hour has drinks at $8 dollars, which is way more reasonable. Still, look at all that ice. I wish they’d sell me a fucking machine to turn that full glass of ice into shaved ice or something. Get some use out of that frozen water.
Like I said though about high school… Lani Kai is one of those cool cocktail lounges. Going there during regular price hours is for the cool kids. Going during Happy Hour is like the uncool kid trying to see what the cool kid does. Just like high school though, I find that it’s only cool when the cool kids go. When I go, it’s just Happy Hour. What I did like about Lani Kai was that even though the tables are bunched up close together, we were still at least one table away from people on either side, so we didn’t have to talk over people. What I mean is, it’s rare to be able to find a place where you can stretch your arms and actually talk to your companion, which is nice. Although I have to say, it’s probably a random chance occurrence because if you go when they’re busy, you’d be packed with people depending on which seat you get.
Going to Lani Kai during Happy Hour is OK. It gives you a chance to see a tiki bar type of setting is like in New York. It also gets you the opportunity to try out what the cool kids have to drink sometimes.
Another thing about high school… Is it me or is the word ‘dork’ being hijacked by kids who were never dorks? I’m serious. Now that I’m an adult, it’s like every fucking person loves the word dork. Listen assholes. One of my better friends in high school wore sweat pants to school everyday and kids made fun of him all the time behind his back. THAT is a dork. Being his friend and similarly unpopular made me a dork too. Fun fact: the class president of my high school got a job in NY after college. I only know this through facebook. But I don’t keep up with that douchebag named Brian since we were never friends. Somehow you get roped into adding people from HS on your facebook. Homey don’t play that. I’ll tell you this – if I ever see Brian on the streets of New York City wearing a hipster shirt proclaiming his dorkdom, I will fucking clobber his ass all the way to back to Tennessee. Believe it. And all you cool kids in HS that are now adults. Don’t let me catch your sorry ass proclaiming you a dork. I’ll fuck you up too.
Lani Kai525 Broome St.New York, NY 10013646-596-8778
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