I hate vegetarians

I hate vegetarians

Oh happy day! Last week I posted entries that were queued up in the backlog, and I went meatless for seven days, just for the hell of it. Two different friends tried to tell me that I cheated by eating eggs, but wikipedia says otherwise (Vegetarianism vs. Veganism). Seriously, if you took eggs out of the equation, you might as well just stab me in the heart. And I know no vegans read this blog, but you folks are crazy. How do you live without ice cream and cookies? A life of soy milk and granola is no life for me! Give me steaks or give me death!!! Although to the sure, the counter argument is that I am killing myself more rapidly by eating the likes of Bambi. Cholesterol schlesterol. We have technology likestents! Mmm… saturated fats.

Look, I do not really hate vegetarians (well maybe one or two) but this blog is a not haterade zone. Hugs and kisses people. I just cannot live a life of soy products and seitan. The one thing about switching for a week is that I forget how easily it is to eat meat. For example last week after a meeting, there were left over sandwiches in the conference room. Starving, I went and grabbed a couple and on my way back to the cubicle my brain said, “Hey retard. What do you think is in between the slices of bread?” Brain, you get me every time. And since I was starving and not a strict vegetarian, I just picked out the meat and threw it in the trash (oh stab me in the heart!) and finished a sandwich of bread, tomatoes, lettuce, and avocado.

Two thoughts about the experiment… The one main concern I had was protein in-take, since I did not want to drink milk all day long. Eggs became my protein of choice. The other thing was that it was impossible to feel full most of the time. Near the end of the experiment I discovered the beauty of rice and beans since that fills ya up real good. The other discovery was do not go to Cuban places if you are vegetarian because you can only eat rice and beans so often.

On my first night as a fake vegetarian, I had rice, eggs, and snow peas sauteed with garlic and chili bean paste. Super simple, you take a pan, add garlic and bean paste, then add snow peas. Voila, vegetables. Amazing. Oh, and although delicious, not filling AT ALL.

And since I was hungry the entire week, flavored pretzels found their way into my diet. It got a little ridiculous because the first couple of days I got 900 calories per day from PRETZELS. That is the thing about being a vegetarian, starch becomes like crack. Mmmm crack that tastes like garlic bread… Sure, you could eat clementines all day long and supplement it with lentils and hummus, but starch is where it’s at. Anyway, I have a couple more vegetarian posts later this week, then it is back to the norm with things like chicken feet.

Posted by Danny on February 19, 2008 at 4:44 pm

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